I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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