During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
