dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
