I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
