we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
