i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
