So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
