Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
