found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
