Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I faked an abortion last night.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
