Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
