i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
