guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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