you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
