You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
