i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
