i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
