He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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