I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You made out with two different species that night
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
