so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
