im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
