Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
