I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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