I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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