Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
