Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Too much gin, very little bucket
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
