That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
