i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
