Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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