i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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