Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
