Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
