i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
