He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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