Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
