Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
