He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm getting married
To pizza
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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