He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
