So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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