wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
