I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
