So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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