he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
