Fuck appropriateness.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
