i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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