You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
