I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize