I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
