You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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