I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
