i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
