U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
